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Break ke bad

Hey all,

Life speeden up and gives you breaks when you expect the least. Probably that's how the life is supposed to be.

I happened to take a break a decent one that usually practicing physicians don't take for personal reasons.
Usually women take such breaks either for wedding or maternity, mine was different. 

Before getting back to work , I had various reservations. The most fearsome being losing hold over procedures and clinical knowledge. As a team leader you're supposed to be the best person to do procedures . With so many speculations in my head , I decided to keep walking. 

Day one, since we live in pandemic, I had to brush myself with the protocols. I did take help of the second in line. She was of immense help. The Central lines , arterial lines scared me. Yes, they did. I asked my consultant to stay as I was really unsure of my capabilities. I don't know if it's just me or people usually have this self doubt. He stood behind. I supervised the procedure and it was uneventful. Some time later , I supervised another procedure, that also went smooth.
I was going slow but steady. It was a good day to feel satisfied.

At the end of the day, what you realise is that the life you saved mattered with the tiniest intervention. Your efforts matter.
My body would get exhausted everyday. But the zeal to save more and more life's pulled me out.

Day 2 I see my junior struggle with intubation, I was hesitant to takeover. I stood still and watched when my consultant took over. Honestly, hurt my confidence and ego both at once. I'd never want a procedure to surpass me to somebody. But my inability to choose self doubt and confidence was still on.

Day 3 , I just watch as another procedure gets hijacked by my consultant. Yes , heartbroken people use such words 😂. 

Day 4 , My junior fails and I started taking over and doing the procedure myself. There was no looking back then... I kept on doing 1-2 procedures /day or supervising them, taking hold of the ED as whole.

Moral of the story : Give yourself time. The hare and the turtle both will reach the destination sooner or earlier. Don't lose the essence of the path thinking of the destination. 
Yes, ER Physician never forgets his/her skills.They might need polishing , but not retraining. Wear your self-confidence with your stethoscope. People trust you with their life's. Trust yourself and your hardwork. 

Too cliche stuff for a big mouth like me. But its nice to read stuff from horse 's mouth!

So far so much
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