Why is aggression the automatic response when our buttons are pushed? Why do we find ourselves in behaving in ways that horrify our better self and offend our true values? The answer lies in evolution and its shoddy job on the nervous system. Emotionally, we are positively stone-age.
Evolution has primed us to respond to threats immediately and unconsciously. It’s how our ancestors survived hostile environments. The heart speeds up and breath quickens. In the brain, control is given to the amygdala, an alarm centre in the ancient midbrain. In a crisis the amygdala shuts down access to our rational lobes, the pre-frontal cortex that is responsible for thinking clearly and making good decisions. Under the influence of the amygdala we react instinctively and habitually: it may save our life in a tight time-frame.
The problem is, the brain interprets any threat to our well-being with the same guns-out approach as in the stone-age .
Tax returns, deadlines, hostile workmates, whinging kids… wham bam, the autonomic nervous system jumps into action and we pay the price.
Based on the evolutionary scenario, is it any wonder we lose our cool? It’s not that we’re a bad person. Rather, we’re at the mercy of automatic processes. To have any hope of change we need to do the job ourselves.
With mindfulness we recall our intention (i.e., to chill out).
We remember to slow and lengthen our breathing: controlled breathing relaxes the amygdala and reopens access to the rational brain.
Controlled breathing neutralises stress hormones in the bloodstream...
Mindfulness gives awareness of the unhelpful agenda and judgments that compound and cloud the situation.
The process becomes automatic with sustained practice.
Self Empathy
Self-empathy is admitting to oneself “Hey, this is difficult.” It’s about letting go of harsh self-judgments. It’s about connecting to what we’re feeling and needing in the moment and recognising that our own feelings and needs are as important as the “opponent’s”. Self-empathy can help us move on and be more present for our kids or partner.
Mindfulness we can train ourselves to notice when our feelings of frustration, rage or irritation are building to explosion point. It’s crucial to lengthen and deepen the breath at this point; we can also call to mind our value and intention of being a more cruisey person. With the self-image of our chilled self in mind, we are motivated to change our behaviour. Motivation quickly translates into the power to do so.
Source.
http://www.joyfulmind.net.au/httpwwwjoyfulmindnetau/three-easy-steps-to-stop-snapping-at-loved-ones
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