What I learned from my medical school.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same… Rudyard Kipling 

Now that I’ve experienced nearly three years of medical school, I'd  like to think I have finally understood the meaning behind the metaphor.

When you are surrounded by successful people – be it in sports, academics or the arts – the pressure to succeed is immense. Society, it seems, has a very low tolerance for failure. Imagine the magnitude of the pressure when you are in medical school: grades suddenly become everything, and a high score garners respect. Not that there is anything wrong with scoring above average. The problem is when society defines success as only that which can be measured.

One day, just seven days before my exams, I decided I could no longer take it. I had been contemplating quitting medical school since the first year, but at that moment, the desire felt stronger than ever. Medical school was becoming a rat race. I was learning so much yet nothing made sense. My classmates seemed to have all the answers in tutorials and lectures, while I was struggling to grasp the basics.

 I started doubting my capability.

At home, I cried my heart out to my friends from school who are not from medicine and my grandma. They listened with compassion. I felt that they were the best people I could talk to, on top of being close to me in age and the loads of inspirational one liners that my grandma gives .I wanted to talk to my parents, but I was too scared I would break their hearts.

I felt worthless. Although this feeling hasn’t really gone away, I’m slowly coming to terms with the person I’ve become. I told my dad in a Skype conversation how insignificant I felt. I wasn’t like him: punctual , responsible , disciplined and hardworking Mashallah. I have darker skin, unlike my mother, whose fair skin is highly prized by Her facial features . It took me forever just to learn to balance a bicycle.

“All I’ve ever been, Papa is a the combination of all recessive characters.”

Tears were welling in my eyes as I typed those words. I always told them this grumpily.He reassured me that no matter what was to happen to me, I’d have my family’s support. 

 I used to  get grumpy at times  at my parents for not allowing me to do the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older, I understand how hard it is to make decisions. I assume it must be even harder to decide what’s best for your own children.

So how does failure deceive you? And what about success – can it really be a bad thing?

At face value, failure appears to be bad, while in reality, failure only adds meaning to success. In Islam, we are taught that the reward for one who struggles with his recitation of the Qur’an is twice that of the one who recites it beautifully and smoothly.

Learning from your mistakes and not repeating them: that in itself is a form of success.

In an age where everything has to be Facebook-worthy, success has become superficial.

Success can make us complacent and arrogant. Often, people are deceived into thinking that all their successes in life have been the result of their own efforts. However, all things in life, no matter good or bad, come from the Creator.

The benefit of acknowledging this teaching is that we become indifferent to failure and success: when we are successful, we are not too proud; when we fail, we do not fall into despair. It is also important to remember that there is just no way we could have achieved things without help from other people. Success is never completely our own, so if it brings about no benefit to society it is of no use.

If you are struggling now, know that you are not alone. Just remember that as long as you’ve done things with the right intentions, and given it your all, you have got nothing to lose. You are defined by your efforts and aspirations, not by your achievements. 

So far so much